"3. In the past you wasted too much time doing what those who don’t know God like to do. You were living immoral lives, doing the evil things you wanted to do. You were always getting drunk, having wild drinking parties, and doing shameful things in your worship of idols. 4. Now those “friends” think it is strange that you no longer join them in all the wild and wasteful things they do. And so they say bad things about you. 5. But they will have to face God to explain what they have done. He is the one who will soon judge everyone—those who are still living and those who have died." -1 Peter 4:3–5 (ERV)
When I read this scripture, it almost seems like a memory of my own life. And, at the same time, a terribly weighty reality for those who have still yet failed to embrace the things that I have learned. I was among them at one time.
There was a version of me that once fit in perfectly with that lifestyle. The kind where we focused on self, fun, entertainment... Drinking and socialization was the evening norm.
Nothing about any of this felt off. The conversations, the choices, the habits, the lifestyle… it all felt normal because it was almost all that I knew. It’s all that those around me knew. And honestly, I didn’t think twice about any of it. Even thought this was the case, I always had maintained certain ethics, loved God, defended Jesus, refrained from taking the Lord's name in vain (and even called others out for it). But, my life wasn't a reflection of those beliefs.
Then, one day, something started shifting. Not overnight really, though it did sort of transpire consistently. There wasn’t any big “aha” moment. Just this slow, quiet, growing awareness. And then at one point, it just sort of hit me... this just isn't enjoyable anymore. What's the point in all of this? What value does it bring to my life?
Things I used to enjoy didn’t sit right, the evenings out wasting time and money lost the alure. Places I used to go felt different. I remember being out with friends, where I should’ve felt very much at home… and instead I felt out of place for the first time, wondering why we were all doing this, accomplishing nothing. It's a weird feeling all of the sudden when you’ve built your identity in that space.
And I’ll be honest, at first, part of me didn’t like this new perspective. But here’s a hard dose of the truth- once you've seen it… you can’t unsee it. Once you experience God, you can't unexperience it.
So unintentionally, and almost without realization, I started pulling back from a lot of the old things that I once enjoyed. I began rethinking the ways that I spent my time and attention.
And that’s when verse four (above) became real to me.
People began to notice.
The response that came from them wasn’t being delivered in a supportive way, but more like… “What’s your deal?” or “What’s up with you?” Like I owed them an explanation for not being the same person or remaining the same person anymore... ??
Some joked about it.
Some actually challenged me.
Others just stopped reaching out altogether.
There were nights I sat questioning my own motive and intent, even the purpose of it all. It would have been easy to slip back into old routines, habits, and activities- I could easily have picked up right where I left off.
But I couldn’t.
Not because I’m strong… but because I knew what going back meant. I had already been there, done that. A lot, actually. And I knew what all of that held: pointless nothingness.
And now, something inside of me, something I didn’t create or really even initiate, was pulling me forward instead.
That’s the part this passage doesn’t say loudly, but it’s there… God doesn’t just call you out; He walks you through the awkward middle. The in-between where you don’t fit into your old life anymore… but your new life is still confusing, lonely, unsure and unfamiliar.
It’s this space, in the unknown, in the wondering, is where freedom starts becoming real. It's where new development begins.
This space creates a clear mind and begins to purge your conscience. It begins to grow a peace and contentment that isn’t dependent on what plans you have or how much people appreciate seeing you coming. A sense that your life might actually have purpose and meaning. Something that means more than just being entertaining or occupied.
At the end of the day, I’m no longer living for anyone else’s approval; I’m living in that knowledge that one day, I’ll stand before God. And it isn't going to be by happen chance, luck, or what I 'thought" might be good enough to continue on in real life.
This wondering, the uncertainty, the fear is longer such a heavy thing, knowing, is actually freeing.
So if you’re in that place right now, where you feel that shift happening, and it’s costing you relationships, comfort, familiarity… I get it.
I’ve sat in that exact same space. I’ve felt your concerns and experienced your tension. I understand your questioning and your doubt.
But please don’t go back. Hear me... you’ve already been there. You know where that road leads and you know it wasn't what life was meant to be about or you would never have found yourself questioning.
Don't go back misguided in believing that it is because you’re trying to be perfect now, but because you’ve already seen what’s on the other side of going back. You already know it’s literally not worth it. It IS purposeless and pointless.
Look how the time flies! Time has value. Health has value. Calling has value. So stay the course, even when it feels awkward. Even when it feels lonely. Even when people just don’t understand or accept you anymore.
Because what’s ahead of you is truth. And truth, is real freedom. Not the kind you fake in a room full of people… the kind you feel when you’re alone and finally at peace.
And once you taste that… you won’t miss what you left behind. In fact, you'll want to share what you have discovered with others.
~ Devin
Devin Osborne
